Losing self

I view myself as a optimistic and light hearted, yet serious person who finds joy in little things. For the most part, I enjoy my traits that are often viewed as quirks, and I don't mind being awkward as long as I feel like me. But other's perceptions are inevitable. It is impossible to place myself solely in an environment where I am not uncomfortably aware of myself or uncomfortable with the fact that so many around me value the systems, beliefs, and values put into place. and self conscious about my emotional expression and presentation. I constantly read into every ignored message and observe the the signs of inattentive listening to add to the argument that I am annoying and too much. I am sick of continuously being surrounded by proponents of diet culture and overconsumption. It is frustrating that so many around me are baffled when they hear about the experiences of a non cisgender/heterosexual/able-bodied/White person and the impact of when someone holds multiple marginalized and stigmatized identities. Perhaps that is me judging, but my frustrations are real. This has led to me feeling isolated and othered. Slowly, the hands of the people and societal structures around me are ripping away at all of the best parts of me, and leaving me with bouts of loneliness and emptiness. I still love me, I still won't hide me, yet I am in a constant state of feeling like my light is being ripped away and unsure of if I will be able to keep reconstructing those parts I love.

14x18 mixed media with recycled materials on stretched canvas and matte finish